Photos by: Kendra Goll
Date Published: July 18, 2016
"Joel's Back!" - From Tragedy to Triump
Joel & Kendra Goll tell their story one year after Joel’s Traumatic Brain Injury (TBI)
Kendra Williams, raised in Phillips, and Joel Goll, raised in Arbor Vitae, were destined to meet one night at The Little Brown Jug in Minocqua. Having seen her once before, Joel already knew he was interested, and so their romance began.
Fast forward through all the fun times of dating and getting to know one another, and Joel & Kendra became united in marriage and then welcomed two children into their family, first Brielle and then Colton. Joel was working as a welder, Kendra was in the medical field, and they made their family home in Park Falls, Wisconsin. Their daily lives were as good and ordinary as everyone else’s, and their love was near perfection to them. Nothing could have prepared them for the fated turn their lives were about to take.
Saturday, July 18, 2015 was the beautiful summer day that would take that fateful turn. The sun glistened on the water as family members assembled at the lakeside home of Joel Goll’s parents for a reunion. The couple was undecided if they should stay longer, but Joel made the decision to kick back with his family. Having grown up with water sports, Joel was eager to teach his young cousin how to water ski. With most of the family members gathered on the long pier, their approving audience cheered them on. Although it was nearing time to eat, with his cousin safely on the dock, Joel wanted to show the crowd some of his water tricks. Obliging, his dad circled the boat around the bay, and as Joel came close to the pier, he attempted his water trick with all eyes on him.
Unfortunately, tragedy struck, and life would be forever changed in mere seconds’ time. Joel didn’t realize how close he was to the pier, and while attempting his trick, it is believed he struck the pier and his head struck the motor of a new boat that was docked, his head shattering the motor, and Joel lying face down in the wake.
In a clouded moment, some family members panicked; some acted with clarity of thought in the face of adversity. Kendra remembers holding Colton, who had been crying and fussing, and then things became a bit blurry as someone took Colton from her arms and she began to realize the nightmare before her. She remembers Joel’s sister jumping in the water, trying to flip him over, and when she could not do so on her own, Joel’s mother immediately jumped in to assist, discovering Joel had shallow breathing and was badly injured.
“I thought he was dead,” Kendra admits. “I was freaking out. When I ran up to him, he didn’t look like he had a face. There were blood clots coming from everywhere. I was screaming. Finally, someone grabbed me and told me he was not dead.”
Kendra immediately jumped in her car and waited for the police and ambulance at the end of the driveway, which was a wise decision given they were about to drive by had she not flagged them down. Not remembering her thoughts or feelings while she waited, Kendra does remember getting in the ambulance and feeling irritated. There was a new person on the ambulance call learning the ropes, but when the more experienced EMTs realized how bad Joel was, the new person had to take on more than he normally would have at that time. He had to do the driving as the fully-trained EMTs needed to give all their attention to Joel. The inexperienced ambulance driver hit a tree while Joel was in the ambulance and also was traveling at such a high rate of speed that the EMTs in the back were instructing him to slow down.
They worked on Joel for 45 minutes on the side of the road, and the police wanted to separate Kendra from the situation. Begging with a police officer to let her see her husband, she pleaded, “If you didn’t know if you were ever going to see your wife again, you’d want to say ‘good-bye.’” When the helicopter pilot overheard this, he told her to scream to Joel that she was there and she loved him. As Kendra waited for a family member to pick her up, she began throwing up and walking past parked cars, holding onto them for support as passengers, unaware of her situation, looked on with wonder.
Arriving at the hospital in the early evening, still in her swimsuit from her day at the lake, Kendra checked herself in at the front desk. Realizing who was her husband, the receptionist at the hospital in Wausau said, “Let me call the chaplain.” Not yet aware of the hospital’s policy to have a chaplain take the loved ones to the proper waiting area, Kendra thought “they were going to tell me he was gone.”
After an excruciatingly long wait for Kendra and the fifty plus family members and friends that filled the waiting room, in the darkest moment of Kendra’s life, there was a glimmer of light and hope. With his surgery complete, Kendra was able to see Joel around 1:30 in the morning. He had survived surgery and was still alive.
But that was just Day 1.
The next 365 days would force Joel and Kendra to face many challenges, more than enough negativity, and nearly succumb to utter despair, but they were each still able to find the strength to keep moving forward each day, knowing that setbacks were not necessarily permanent, and hoping for the best possible outcome.
The surgeon, Dr. Waller, who had come from a Tier 1 hospital where he did many successful surgeries for children, was straight forward with Kendra and with Joel’s mom, Mary. He told them he was never 100% certain that the surgery would be a success, but he was 100% certain that if he did not do the emergency surgery, Joel would have died.
“Dr. Waller is the most amazing man. He saved my husband and has helped me through some crazy emotions. Even up to this day, we keep in contact. That man was brought into my life for a reason, because he picked me up on my worst days,” Kendra shared. “He is the doctor who saved my life, basically,” Joel admitted, thankfully. “He has been there every step of the way. If it wasn’t for him, I don’t think I’d be here. He did my initial surgery that saved my life.”
Aside from Dr. Waller, Kendra stated “I have a ton” of people who helped through the last year. Being asked to select a few, she spoke of her friend, Sarah Pisca, who was instrumental in organizing Joel’s benefit last September in Phillips, plus she is always there for Kendra when she needs a friend. “She’s my angel,” Kendra said. Pam Manning, who is a caregiver for someone with TBI, provided Kendra with a lot of information and support. “She’s awesome,” Kendra said. Dr. Davis, Joel’s rehab doctor in Milwaukee, really pushed Joel to reach his therapy goals, and they give her a lot of credit for Joel’s recovery. Realizing that so many people helped them in so many ways, both Kendra and Joel added that they wanted to thank all of their friends and their families plus their communities. “Even if they did not know Joel or know me, they helped out in every possible way,” Kendra said. “Without our families taking and caring for our kids and our communities’ support, I could not have been with him every day.”
Joel added, “Stasi and Craig Precour kept the kids for about two months in Milwaukee” while Joel was undergoing physical therapy and an intensive coma recovery program. Kendra remarked that it was helpful to have a safe place to turn to in an otherwise foreign to her large city. Their help and support made a very confusing time more comfortable.
Comfort for their children was of high importance to Kendra through the entire process. While she did bring Colton to see Joel very early on in his hospitalization, given Colton was just a baby and would not remember what he saw, plus she hoped hearing Colton might help Joel wake up, she was cautious with Brielle. “Joel went through an angry stage, thrashing around, and it was like wrestling an alligator [to calm him down].” She did not want Brielle to see that nor did she want her to see all the machines connected to Joel. However, by the end of August, Kendra felt it was time. Brielle questioned, ‘Does Daddy still have blood on his face?’ as she remembered the accident. Trying to shield their daughter from as much of reality as possible, Kendra asked the nurses to cover Joel’s body so that Brielle could just see his face, and it looked like he was sleeping. Even with those precautions, “Brielle was terrified,” Kendra admitted. Soon, though, she adapted to life at the hospital, and Brielle now thinks she is her daddy’s nurse.
Aside from worrying about their kids’ abilities to adapt, Kendra’s lowest moment was not knowing if Joel was going to wake up and remember her and the kids. However, a highlight came the first time Joel saw Colton after he woke up. “I could not get Colton out of that car seat fast enough for Joel.” Joel was happily exclaiming, ‘Here, bring him here!’ repeatedly. While Joel does not remember that moment, he does remember his children visiting him at the hospital. He also remembers that Brielle kept calling the “elevator” the “alligator,” which he thought was very cute.
Transferring between hospitals (in Wausau, Milwaukee, and Marshfield) having multiple surgeries and other procedures made it difficult for Joel to remember much of the experience, especially early on. Around September 7th he had an eye fistula surgery, which greatly helped his brain to heal, and he began remembering and talking much more from that point on.
“I was determined,” Joel shared. “Determined to do whatever it took to get back to where I was.” He also said he was stubborn. “When people expect you to give up, that makes me want to fight harder. You weren’t ready to go,” Kendra told him. “He has pushed and fought so hard for me and our kids, and he has come so far. I don't know how he's done it. He's the strongest person I have ever met.”
Along with those small family moments and his determination propelling him to get better, Joel credits his family as his driving force to recover. “My wife and kids were a lot to fight for. If Kendra would not have been there with the kids every day, I probably would not have fought this hard.”
Joel now realizes it is that family that is so important to him that has to drive his future choices. While Joel feels he will one day be ready to get back on the proverbial horse again and take to the water, he knows he needs to be more cautious and think of his family’s needs, too. “Since before I could walk, I could water ski,” Joel shared the reason for his desire. “I want to, but I don’t want to risk getting hurt again, so if I ever do it again it would probably be out in middle of lake and not close to a pier or anything, but it is important to teach my kids.” Looking at Kendra he added, “Though I’m not sure that will happen.” Kendra felt it would not be happening.
“I’m more aware, more cautious,” she admitted. “My anxiety level is higher even with letting my kids ride in a car with someone else.”
“Things can happen so quick,” Joel stated, “and I know I need to think more before just doing [something spur of the moment]. “Everything that was so easy doing before is hard now. I have learned to take nothing for granted.”
Kendra agreed with that outlook. “You just never think it’s going to happen to you.” On a positive note she said she does now believe in miracles and that has brought her through these tough times. There have been some bright moments.
Some of Joel and Kendra’s brightest moments have come from the people they have met along the way. “The TBI people are now like family,” Kendra said, sharing that if she would tell a friend of hers ‘I hate my life,’ they may think she was depressed and needed immediate help, but a TBI patient or caregiver understands the true meaning of the statement and the emotions they are all going through. She mentioned that living in a community of only TBI people could be a blessing in that regard, though they would not change the communities they are from and live in for anything, as they know the help and compassion of their communities has helped in Joel’s miraculous recovery.
While it may be difficult for Kendra and Joel to see the incredible progress they have made as much as an outsider looking in, Joel is a true miracle. Not only did he need multiple blood transfusions in the first few days, but he was in a Level 3 coma, which is the worst case scenario. Kendra and Joel were told that only 5% of people survive at that coma level. Though all his facial bones were crushed, only one small spot of his brain was bruised, which was a positive that Kendra quickly clung to until one nurse told her that she has seen people with many small bruised spots that have lived, but she has also seen people with one little spot who have died. She told Kendra not to get too carried away with hope.
But sometimes all a person has is hope, and it was likely Kendra’s self-proclaimed strong-willed personality that allowed her to use that spot of hope so she could continue on, fighting for herself, for Joel, and for their family.
“I had to be there every day,” Kendra stated. “I’m his advocate. TBI people cannot tell [the doctors and nurses] what they want. You need to be their voice.” Kendra had a strong voice given her training in the medical field, which she credits for getting her through and being able to demand things that needed to be done. Being both loving and strong-willed, Kendra was able to fight for Joel and his needs. There were quite a few times she had to stand firm in her beliefs with the medical staff. One of those times occurred when the hospital had just taken Joel off his blood pressure medication, and a nurse decided to take his blood pressure right after he walked back from physical therapy, which produced a high reading. The nurse thought he needed to go back on his blood pressure medication, but Kendra insisted they take his blood pressure in the morning or when he was at rest. Luckily Kendra was there to intervene in that moment, because, as it turns out, Joel’s at rest blood pressure was in the normal range, and he did not need those drugs, which could have caused him more problems had they been administered.
“I feel like sometimes Kendra feels like she is just my caregiver and not my wife,” Joel admitted given everything Kendra has done for him. “It shows me how much I really mean to her.” With those two things being said, Joel can see where the accident has pushed them apart a bit but also greatly brought them together.
“I definitely think it brought us closer,” Kendra added, looking lovingly at Joel. “Young couples often get divorced or leave [in the face of tragedy]. “What we had before is what I feel a lot of people don’t have and that is what is keeping me here. The love we have pulled me through; our love brought me to push through and make it through. I couldn’t imagine being with anyone else. This man is my soulmate.” With that being said, Kendra does have concerns. “I do wonder, ‘Will I ever get my old Joel back?’ I’m lucky to have him but our life is not the same; it is completely different.”
Joel continued, “My wife stuck by my side through this whole thing and helped me make some of the decisions.” He also admitted that the silver lining in this might be that there were “things I would do in the past, but it’s smart I don’t do it because I could hurt myself.” He also said he never liked going to doctors but will now go in for regular exams, because he realizes his health is important. And while he misses his welding job at OEM, a company they acknowledge has been so good to them, Joel tried to find the positive that his lungs will be cleaner if he no longer welds and has to take a different type of job long-term. “I’m out of the welding field,” Joel stated, but Kendra, showing pride in her husband’s abilities, quickly interjected, “He has welded, though, and he is just as good as he was.”
Currently Joel is working with the City of Phillips, and he gave credit to his father-in-law, Jeff Williams, for helping him get the type of work that his body can currently handle as he cannot stand on a concrete floor for eight to ten hours per day anymore. “Right now I work with the City and we do little bits, doing a job and then getting in the truck to go to the next job. Sitting down in-between helps. I’m thankful for Jeff taking the time to work with me.”
Making great strides in his recovery, Joel has been triumphing since February. “A year is nothing when it comes to brain injuries,” Kendra noted. “Seven years out TBI patients can still be improving.”
Joel stated that his balance is not that great yet. “Not being able to do what I want to do; not being able to drive” are his current low points. “I don’t like to be a burden on anyone so not being able to do anything I want [is difficult]. I have to ask for a ride.” Due to some facial paralysis, it is more difficult for Joel to talk, though his speech was well understood during his interview with My Price County. “It is difficult with my social life so I tend to use my phone a lot more, because I feel people cannot hear me.”
Joel also stated feeling somewhat self-conscious about the scars on his neck, stomach, and head, though he can cover them mostly with a hat and shirt.
Kendra admitted to being more paranoid for Joel. “People staring at him or saying things under their breath” rightfully bothers her. “I have anxiety and depression. I am taking on both roles and am physically drained.”
Joel does have outpatient therapy three days per week, and they are considering starting yoga, which is supposed to be good for brain injuries and stress relief. Kendra, who started selling Nerium before Joel’s accident, wanted him to try a brain supplement offered by the company known as EHT, which seems to be helping Joel better remember and not repeat things. Trying to rehabilitate their bodies, minds, and spirits, they will soon visit an Indian healer, as well.
Knowing that one’s spirit is essential to healing, Joel credits his sense of humor for helping him get through this experience, though he says his partial facial paralysis does not make it easy for people to always know when he is joking. One day the doctors were calling Colton the spitting image of Joel, so Joel joked, “He’s not mine!” It took a moment for the hospital staff to realize he was joking since his facial expression didn’t quite match the joke. Such jokes, though, were a welcome relief to his family and the hospital. “Joel’s back!” they cheered, appreciating his progress in getting his life back.
Although life may be different right now, the Golls know things will slowly get back to normal. Kendra said, “I think eventually I will have to get back into [full-time] work, but right now it is not an option, because I would be going to work to hire someone to take him places and watch our kids.” They are hopeful that Joel can once again have a career. “I’d love to get back to OEM,” Joe remarked, “but I’m not sure what the future holds.” They are also interested in perhaps having Joel speak at functions with other TBI patients and caregivers to give them hope and strength to fight on. Right now their focus is on getting Joel better and getting their life back. “We’ll keep trucking,” Kendra said with her best advice to others overcoming a traumatic event to “take one day at a time.” “Don’t give up,” Joel added.
“We definitely have amazing days and then we have awful, awful days. Life is crazy. It’s crazy how in the blink of an eye your world is turned upside down.” Kendra reminded, “Hold your loved ones and let them know you love them. Don't take your spouse for granted. Relationships are hard work, but if you truly love someone, make time for them and love often!”
To learn more about Traumatic Brain Injuries (TBI), review information at the Brain Injury Association of America at http://www.biausa.org. You may also be interested in following a couple that is tracking their journey with TBI at “16 Petals of Blue Light” on Facebook at http://www.facebook.com/16-Petals-of-Blu...0919635872
Photo Credits: Family photo by Lynn Seidl; recovery photos by Kendra Goll
Written By: Lynne Bohn
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